Punk'd

Someone is getting back at Ashton Kutcher for getting punk'd, right? His agent? David Spade? Zach Braff? It has to be somebody, because that is the only way to explain Kutcher's recent career choices. His Nikon camera commercials are offensive.



Is there a bigger tool? Have people finally realized how terrible he is and decided to not give him anymore jobs? I guess the recession also hits Hollywood, because this is the worst collection of commercials out there, he must have nothing else to do. It's more pathetic than Bruce Willis' acting in Surrogates, not that good acting would have made that crap shoot any better. Clearly, he's just collecting a pay check. But there are several things that bother me about Ashton, and this commercial was just the tipping point.

Bruce did the movie for the
 incredible plot...and the free head rug.

First off, his name is Ashton. What were his parents thinking? They didn't even give the poor kid a chance, he was destined to become a tool. It would be like naming your son Jeeves; he would have no choice but to be a butler. But I'm probably letting him off the hook a little bit with the name thing because after all, it wasn't his fault. However, everything in his life subsequent to his naming is definitely all Ashton.

I'm ridiculing his terrible commercials, but it's not like he had a great career before that. That 70's Show had it's moments, but it was in spite of Kutcher. He wasn't even acting, he was just being himself: a dumb loser. If it wasn't for Laura Prepon (Donna), he would have been the worst character on the show ( I would have given it to him, but Donna is just to hard to look at). After his incredible performance on the sitcom, he made the jump to the big screen, staring in box office hits like The Butterfly Effect and The Guardian. (Don't tell anyone, but I actually found The Guardian watchable. But seriously, I never said that). Those were some of the the most bj movies ever produced. I can't even get started on The Butterfly Effect, what a piece of trash.

Good choice, Ashton.

Finally, in an incredible move, Ashton decides to marry Demi Moore. Yeah, she was hot, but about 30 years ago when she wasn't collecting her social security benefits. I imagined that his honeymoon went something like the scene in The Shining, when Jack Nicholson started making out with the bath tub chick in Room 237, only to have her turn into Willie Nelson mid-kiss. Oops! For the life of me, I couldn't figure out why he would marry a woman 20 years older than him. But as I was brooding about it, I finally realized something. I think Ashton knows how much he sucks, so he made a good business decision and married someone that could provide for him when he would inevitably be unemployable.

So I guess from that perspective, Ashton was being smart. But he's still a complete Hollywood loser. Nikon should drop him because there is no way having Ashton as the face of their product boosts sales. In fact, it may hurt, because I for one will never buy one of their cameras. Suck one, Ashton.