Craigslist Pick of the Week

Water Tester

---

Date: 2010-11-11, 8:51AM CST
Reply to: see below

---

Now Hiring
Water Testers
$2,000-3,000 to start
$4,000-5,000 Second Year
No experience necessary
H.S./College Preferred
Management opportunities
Will Train
Call
785-266-8440

It's official: the recession in Kansas is over. One of the most important economic indicators that analysts look at to gauge the direction of the economy is the Water Tester-to-Laborer Ratio. It shows the amount of people employed as a water tester per person eligible for work. When its down, we're in trouble. When it's up; bull market, baby. 

OK, I'll stop. There is no such thing as a Water Tester Ratio. I don't even know what a water tester is. In fact, I'm pretty sure the person who posted this job doesn't know what a water tester is. Where is the description? Is it really just someone who sits around drinking water and giving his opinion on it? If so, it sounds like the best job ever. You get paid a couple thousand dollars to get hydrated and tell people about it. 

You don't even need any experience! I just don't understand the education requirements and the training aspect. What possible education could one person have that would make someone better at this job? And what kind of "training" would you actually have to do? I'm pretty sure a fairly retarded dog could do this job, just ask Sarah Jessica Parker.

Water testing in Kansas is no walk in the park.

Well as you can see, I've been thinking about what this job actually is for way to long. I had to know. So, I did what any good researcher would do; looked it up on Wikipedia. What I found was astounding. I didn't realize just how dangerous water testing could be. Apparently in 2000, Bruce Willis' character from the movie Unbreakable tried to be a water tester, and the experiment almost ended as badly as the movie. Two years later, water testing employers began to outsource their labor. They employed the aliens from Signs and again, the results were disastrous (what does M. Night Shyamala have against water anyway?).

Since then, the water testing industry has been desperate to find people willing to risk their life to sip some water. I guess this is why the author of the post choose not to fill anyone in on the job description. It's just another ploy by the white man trying to get a buck at my expense. They can't earn money the honest way so they have to lure people in my economically shaky position to risk my neck to test their damn water. Those sons-a-bitches. Man, if Bruce Springsteen was here, he'd put a stop to these corporate fat cats. I'm boycotting this abusive industry; I'm never drinking water again.