Blew-SC

On January 3, 2006, the Trojans of USC were considered one of the best teams in college football history. After going through the regular season and the PAC-10 conference undefeated, USC boasted the most prolific offense in the country, garnering All-American, All-Conference, and Heisman honors at several positions. But twenty-four hours later on January 4, USC started its metamorphosis from champ to chump.

That night, Vince Young and the Texas Longhorns beat the heavily favored Trojans at the Rose Bowl in the National Championship. Widely considered one of the best games ever, Young put on a Michael Jordan-like performance, putting Texas on his back and running all over USC. The Trojans had been the toast of the town for several years. People considered them the best team ever, celebrities would come to their practices, and the last two Heisman winners wore the Cardinal and the Gold. Beating them could not have been sweeter for the underrated Longhorns, especially Young, who finished second in the Heisman race.

Why, you may be asking yourself, are you bringing this up? Why beat a dead horse? Every one saw the game, it was cool, who cares? You want to know why? Because I hate USC. Tucked down there in Southern Cal, they all think they're so sweet. They smell their own farts and like it. Well, I am hear to shed some light on these losers. 

Ever since Vince Young took it to them in the Rose Bowl, the stars of USC, specifically their offensive skill players, have been the biggest busts. Let's take our favorite loser, Matt Leinart. After winning the Heisman in 2004, Leinart decided to forgo his professional career in the NFL and stay in Los Angeles for his senior year. Big mistake. After losing in the NC the following year, his stock draft dropped from consensus #1 to #10. Granted he was still a top ten first rounder, but he wasn't number 1. Leinart was drafted by the Cardinals, where he was supposed to be the immediate starter.  After a lackluster start, an old, washed-up quarterback in Kurt Warner was picked up by the Cardinals and promptly took his spot. With all those dance classes at USC, you would have thought he would have been smoother in the pocket. After a few more seasons in Arizona as an expensive backup, Leinart was finally cut in 2010. This clip pretty much sums up his career. Must suck to be the guy who peaked in college.

Reggie Bush is another all-star. First of all, his infamous lateral in the national championship was hilarious. Then, after winning the Heisman over Vince Young, Bush was drafted 2nd overall to the New Orleans Saints, where he promptly became a "scat back", which is a nice way of saying a punt returner. He's basically a poor man's Dante Hall now. OK, I'll give him credit for winning the Super Bowl last year, but c'mon, he was a marginal proponent of that at best. To top it off, he is injury prone. This season, he somehow managed to break his femur, which is one of the hardest things to do, almost as hard as getting your Heisman trophy revoked. Too soon? By the way, Bush won the Heisman by the most votes in history, second only to OJ Simpson. Coincidence? Keep this up and Kim Kardashian is going to be the bread winner in that relationship, never a fiscally prudent idea.


Who's next? Dwayne Jarret? LenDale White? Dominique Byrd? All of these guys were All-American/All-Conference players who were supposed to be studs in the NFL and what happened? Bust, bust, bust. Jarret was cut from the Carolina Panthers following a DUI arrest. White is fat, which, coupled with the emergence of Chris Johnson, was the reason why the Titans traded him to the Seahawks, where he dropped on the depth chart, tore his achilles tendon, and now sits at home watching his USC friends suck. Byrd was supposed to be the future at the tight end position, but after an average senior year, he was drafted to the Rams, cut, picked up by the Cardinals, and then cut again. Pro-Bowl here we come. John David Booty is up there too. Although he was not as highly touted as his Trojan contemporaries, JDB was supposed to be a good pro quarterback. But, after sitting behind Brett Favre, Tavaris Jackson, and Sage Rosenfels on the Vikings depth chart, he was released and now is as unemployed as I am. I would love to throw Mark Sanchez under the bus, but its a little too soon, even though he's still a tool. Steve Smith of the Giants is probably the only offensive player out of that 2005 Rose Bowl-losing team who is doing marginally well.

And let's not forget Pete Carroll. What a dork. Is there anyone luckier than he is? After sucking in the pros with New England, he moves to Southern California where he inherits a dynasty-in-the-making. Described by many as a "players coach", Carroll always seemed to be that hip, cool guy on the sidelines. "Don't worry bro's, lets just go out there and play some ball." Seriously, I could have done his job. And of course, once all the recruiting violations started hitting the fan, the players coach suddenly pleads ignorance and jets off to Seattle to become the Seahawks coach, while Reggie Bush gets vilified. Let's be honest, we all know Bush wasn't the master mind behind the infractions. But now that he's in Seattle, I'm sure he'll bring his college success to the pro ranks, right? No shot. He's just another one of those college heroes who couldn't hack it in the pros (read: Bobby Petrino). And he looks like Bill Maher. Screw you, Pete.

All-in-all, the 2005 USC Trojans were all talk and no taco when it came down to it. They blew it in the Rose Bowl against Texas, and then they all blew it in their professional careers. OK fine, maybe it's because I;m a little jealous. It's not like I'm doing anything sweet either or have ever had as much success as they have. I'm sitting in my basement judging guys who probably have a better life than I will ever aspire to, but you know what? I'm over it. I find some solace in taking shots at them when I can. They can have some, losers.